Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
