Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
