Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
