You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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