Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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