Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
