screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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