My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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