is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
