I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
