he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
