I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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