Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
