Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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