Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
