I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
