He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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