Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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