Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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