first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
