I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
