apparently the secret to your success is patron
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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