I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mom said you looked used
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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