i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
