Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
