If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
