I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
