The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
