Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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