she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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