it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The ass gains better be worth it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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