that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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