Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
