I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
