she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
