The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
