What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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