My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
