She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
