people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
