would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
