She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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