I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
