I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
