I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
