He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
