Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
