dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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