I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's get the cat blown out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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