I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
