A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
