remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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