Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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