So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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