Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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