Pants 0. Shit 1.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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