So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
