is your mom at the bar?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
