Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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