did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
