You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
