he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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