Please, let me fuck your mom
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
