I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
