I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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