I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
