oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
