they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
