Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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