***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
