Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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