your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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