I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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