And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
