You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
