just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
