i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
