What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
