I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
