i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
