Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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