I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
