Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
