So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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