it wasn't lemon gatorade
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
