I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
