I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
